2008 AnimeManga Summer Olympics
by Axletia Rosonetis
Summary: It's the 2008 Summer Olympics parody for anime and manga. Join us as you read about the characters from eleven different series compete for gold medals, black medals, and cookies. Cookies are in the fridge for reviewers. Enjoy !
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1 : Interviewing Pokemon and Death Note

_Very surprised nobody has done something like this yet. Okay, few notes to point out :_

Disclaimer : _I DO NOT OWN ANY ANIME/MANGA, THE OLYMPICS, OR AGENT JEY ('cause she's my friend.) I only own myself, and Carid._

_2 - Do not flame me for bashing characters that I hate. (You will not get any cookies for reviewing.)_

_3 - DO NOT FLAME ME FOR BASHING HARLEY ! I F--KING HATE HIM ! _

_4 - Don't ask me to do any other anime/manga series. I've already planned things out after careful thinking. _

_5 - Sabrina of Pokemon is in there because in my blind poll she's so far the favorite gym leader (even though she is competing with Misty.)_

_6 - I will add randomness. Don't like it, don't read it. _

_And 7 - I'm using some dead characters. DEAL WITH IT ! _

_So, enjoy ! _

* * *

(Flyer : )

_The sights are fantastic. The scenery is wonderous. And all of the people are ecstatic for the long - awaited 2008 Anime/Manga Olymics. Far and wide teenagers, college students, and adults of all anime and manga alike submitted their forms to get admitted into the world event, but of all the candidates, only sixty - six people from eleven anime/manga series were accepted. Join us as Poke - TMZ hosts the event called the Olympics !_

* * *

A brown haired girl of thirteen grinned insanely at a nearby camera. She had brown eyes, green eyeshadow, and pale skin. She was short, thin, and wearing a green tanktop, jean shorts, and green flip - flops. She was also wearing dark sunglasses.

Next to her was a girl of the same age. She also had pale skin (_but paler 'cause she was full white),_ blonde hair and blue eyes. A little bit on the pudgy side _(and tall),_ this girl was also wearing dark shades, a long silver chain around her neck, a baggy dark purple t-shirt, ripped shorts emo style, and white sandals.

Both girls were standing side-by-side at the camera as they started the interviewing.

* * *

Axletia : Hello, viewers ! Welcome to the 2008 Anime/Manga Summer Olympics, hosted by Poke - TMZ !

Todd : The crappy channel !

_PUNCH !_

Axletia _: SHUT THE HELL UP, NOOB !_ Anyway, I'm Axletia Rosonetis, reporter/manager of Poke - TMZ, and this is my best friend, Agent Jey !

Agent Jey : Hey, everyone ! MOO ! (burps)

Carid : I thought_ I_ was your best friend, Axletia !

Axletia : Oh, good gravy. This is Carid Ketchum, my camerawoman and fictional best friend.

Carid : Hi.

Agent Jey : Hey.

Axletia : Anyway, before the Olympics actually air, we're interviewing our contestants.

Agent Jey : Today we are interviewing the contestants from Pokemon and Death Note ! Hope you enjoy ! (Moo)

* * *

Interview Montage ! :

Axletia : Hi ! So, can you tell me about yourself, like your age ?

Ash : My name is Ash Ketchum from Pallet Town ! I'm fourteen years old !

Agent Jey : Wow. _WE ALREADY KNEW THAT !_

Brock : Uh, I'm Brock Harrison from Pewter City. I'm nineteen.

Axletia : And..._what_ race are you again ?

Brock : Uh...Chine-no...Puerto Rica- Mexican ? Black ? I don't know, actually. I know I'm a Mormon, though.

Agent Jey : Oh, _that_ explains e_verything_.

Near : I'm Near. I'm thirteen and a half.

Axletia : _**NEEEEEAR !**_

Agent Jey : Get a hold of yourself, Axletia.

Light : I'm Kira.

Axletia : No freaking duh.

* * *

Agent Jey : So...why did you want to complete in the Olympics ?

Misty : Simple. To take my rage out.

Axletia : Nice. Same here. That's why I drink caffeine.

Agent Jey : O.o

Axletia : Oh, don't act surprised, Jennifer.

Jessie : To secure my beautiful self - esteem.

Agent Jey : As in the title of Queen Bitchiness ?

Jessie : Yes. That's _exactly_ what I mean.

Misa : To make Light love me !

Axletia : You're a ho, Misa. Do you know that ?

Misa : Yes. Yes, I do.

Mello : 'Cause the voice inside my head told me to.

Agent Jey : You're f--ked up.

* * *

Axletia : What do you want to be when you grow up ?

James : A professional ice skater.

Agent Jey : Cool. I want to be a skilled assassin. Or a samurai.

Axletia : T.T _Why _am I not surprised ?

Paul : Dead. But before that I want to kill my brother.

Axletia : Why ? To act emo ?

Paul : I hate nice people. And that is why I'll kill Ketchum next.

Ash : O.o

Axletia : Eh. Fine with me.

L : Alive.

Agent Jey : I thought you were emo, though.

L : It doesn't matter !

Ryuk : An apple juice maker.

Axletia : Yeah...let's leave it at that.

* * *

Agent Jey : What are your goals ?

Rem : To kill Light.

Axletia : So do I.

Agent Jey : Me too._ (He's still cool, though.)_

Gary : Uh, to be arrogant again.

Axletia : I'd love that, Oaky-kun.

Sabrina : Hell, I just want to be emo again and drink a six - pack.

Axletia : So does Jey.

Agent Jey : -.- I hate you.

Axletia : I hate you, too.

Harley : I want a lot of things. A Ferrari. Some pot. Oh, and to rape Max again.

Agent Jey : Dude...weird.

Axletia : _**WHAT THE F--K IS WRONG WITH YOU !**_

* * *

After a long rant from me, we managed to confront Harley. It turned out his dad is Juan, his mom is somehow Orochimaru, and his grandpa is the Third Hokage._ (yeah..wtf?!)_ We also managed to get answers from him.

" Harley. why are you a pervert ? " Agent Jey asked, pencil in hand.

" 'Cause my boyfriend is my dad. "

" And..._why_ are you dating your _dad_ ? " I pressed on.

" Well, he makes my fireman feel good, and plus he sells me pot. "

" So...why do you bitch all the time ? " Agent Jey inquired.

" I have my monthly ! " Harley happily replied.

" One last question, " I said. " All of us are wondering...are you a dude or a chick ? "

" I'm a guy, of course. "

" So...why do you have a 'thing' and a monthly ? " Agent Jey wondered.

" 'Cause anime allowed me to be a perverted , molesting freak, that's why. "

* * *

In the end of our first day, we had found out that Harley is a sickening twenty - nine year old that is SOL when he's older _(in five years)._

Anyway, join us next time for when we interview the contestants from Naruto and Shin - Chan ! Brought to you by Poke-TMZ, the proud sponsors of the 2008 Anime/Manga Olympics !

End

* * *

_Okay, hoped you liked it. Commercials are accepted ! If you want to have a commercial in a chapter, review or PM me. I will only post one or two commercials in one chapter, though, so first come , first serve, and if you're late you're SOL._

_Also, if you have a suggestion such as events , review. I'd gladly appreciate it._

_Oh, and here are the anime/manga series I'm using : _

_Pokemon (duh) , __Naruto (also duh) , __Inuyasha , __Death Note (NEAR!) , __Fushigi Yuugi , __Fruits Basket ,_

_Sailor Moon , __Bleach (though I'm only using Ichigo and Rukia.) , __Ayashi no Ceres , __Yotsuba - and_

_Shin Chan._

_(And that's why I'm making this an anime xover.) _

_So review ! Cookies are in the fridge ! :)_


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2 : Interviewing of Naruto and Shin Chan

_A lot shorter than Chapter 1, but...oh well._

DISCLAIMER : _I do not own any series, the Olympics, and there are a couple of jokes from Naruto Abridged, which are also not mine. _

* * *

So Agent Jey and me started to interview the Naruto and Shin Chan contestants. In this category, we have eighteen people. Some of them A.D.D. problems.

* * *

Naruto : I want to be Hokage ! Believe it !

Agent Jey : **_YOU'VE SAID THAT , FOR LIKE, TWENTY TIMES !_**

Naruto : I like ramen.

Axletia : Dude...shut the hell up.

Shin : Yo ! Action Bastard, _gooooo !_

Agent Jey : O.o Did you just _piss_ in my _coffee ?!_

Shin : Sure did.

_CHOKE !_

Agent Jey : _YOU LITTLE BASTARD !_

* * *

Others had severe emo problems.

* * *

Sasuke : I want _REVENGE !_ _REVENGE ON MY BIG BROTHER !_

_-EMO STAB !-_

Axletia : Yeah...

Itachi : I want to kill my little brother.

Agent Jey : You _seriously_ need family counseling.

Kimimaro : I want to be Orochimaru's bitch again !

Axletia : Uh, who's his bitch now ?

Kimimaro : -sob- Sasuke.

Gaara : I need to steal some black eyeliner from my douchy brother !

Agent Jey : Didn't you quit being emo when you later become Kazekage ?

Gaara : S..._**SHUT UP ! **_

Axletia : You shut up, Gaara ... of the Funk !

-boomch-boomch-boomch-boomch- _**GAARA OF THE FUNK !**_ (-belongs to Naruto Abridged.)

Gaara : T.T I seriously need to crash YouTube sometime.

* * *

Later on we went to Long John Silvers. Both of us were pigging out, since we both love seafood. We found some coupling at the restaurant, too !

* * *

Neji : I am Ten Ten's boyfriend. I am the only logical person to be her boyfriend. It sucks, yet satisfies.

Agent Jey : Since you can't do your cousin ?

Neji : -.- Shut up.

Shikamaru : Well, I actually had a few choices to choose from. Ino...Tayuya...Sakura.

Sakura :_** HI, SHIKAMARUUU !**_

Shikamaru : -.- Hi. Rock Lee _(eh),_ and that one girl from the Chunin Exams that I first fought. But in the end, I picked Temari, since she's the hottest. _(Plus, she blackmailed me.) _

Hinata : I'm Naruto's girlfriend.

Naruto : Ye-what the f--k ?! It's supposed to be SasuxNaru forever ! --(another quote from NA.)

Sakura : Well, you're SOL, 'cause Sasuke's _**MINE ! **_

Itachi : Somehow I'm with Sailor Mercury...I hate you all.

* * *

There were also bitch fights.

* * *

Penny : _**SHIN'S MINE !**_

Ai : _**NO, HE'S MINE !**_

Penny **: **_**BITCH **!_

Ai : **_WHORE !_**

_**-BITCHSLAP AI ! -**_

Ai : You...you...

_**- WHOREKICK PENNY ! -**_

Axletia : Freezing priest, this is going to take all night...

Tsunade : I brought coffee... and the jug.

Ten Ten : I brought sedatives !

Temari : I brought sleeping pills !

Agent Jey : -sigh- Let's make the best of things.

* * *

Soon afterwards we interviewed Georgie, Boo, and Maso. In case you don't know , that's the American, the Snot Maker, and the guy with 'bed problems'. As you all know, all of them are five year olds.

" Why did we let five year olds in this competition ? " Agent Jey asked.

" Publicity. "

* * *

" I...hate...Shin, " Georgie muttered.

" We know, " I said, rolling my eyes.

" Can we catch frogs ? " Boo asked.

" _NO !_ " Agent Jey replied.

" Can we make curtains ? " Maso asked.

" You know what ? " I said. " Just cut the rest, Carid. Cut it. "

* * *

Obviously that was a bust. So I asked Agent Jey to interview the one and only...Orochimaru ! (_and was actually written by my friend, so I don't own this interview.) _

* * *

Agent Jey : Orochimaru, are you a boy or girl ?

Orochimaru : I had over 50,000 sex changes. I don't know anymore.

Agent Jey : Who is your father ?

Orochimaru : Sarutobi is my father. He also violated me, drugged me, and...you don't want to know. -coughs - (_pervert.)_

Agent Jey : What is your dream ?

Orochimaru : Ever since I was twelve, I wanted to kill Sarutobi. Thirty - eight years later, I managed to do just that !

Agent Jey : Did he ever hurt you ?

Orochimaru : Yes ! He, um...I don't feel comfortable answering that !

Agent Jey : Are you gay ?

Orochimaru : I don't know anymore. I just have a strange interest in little boys. As you all know, Sasuke is my bitch now.

Kabuto : -coughs- (_Whore.)_

Agent Jey : ...the fu' ?!

Kabuto : I carpooled with Kankuro and hid in Orochimaru's purse.

Agent Jey : And where is Kankuro ?

Kabuto : Shooting rampage !

Agent Jey : And...who is your mom, Orochimaru ?

Orochimaru : Miaka Yuki !

Miaka : O.o ...what the hell..**._I'M NOT YOUR MOM ! KAEDE FROM INUYASHA IS !_ **

Orochimaru : Oh, yeah...she hatched my egg. She had me at fourteen. She had an affair with Sesshomaru, and he pretended to be my dad.

Agent Jey : What about Sarutobi ?

Orochimaru : Sarutobi is my real dad, but he threw me in the dumpster on my prom night. Then I lived with Kaede for half a year, where Sesshomaru pretended to be my dad, but he was really someone to chug beer with since he was ten years younger than Kaede.

Agent Jey : Yeah...interview over.

* * *

And so we end our montage for today (_a little scarred for life.)_ Next time we interview the contestants from Inuyasha, Fushigi Yuugi, and Yotsuba !

End

* * *

_Yeah...it just got weirder...that's why I'm trying to get the interviewing part as soon as possible._


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3 : Interviewing of Naruto, Fushigi Yuugi, and Yotsuba

DISCLAIMER :_ I do not own any characters except myself. And Denny. _

* * *

Third day of interviewing. Wow. I feel as caffeinated as Sasuke when he's on an emo rampage. _(I also still feel scarred from yesterday.)_ So today we interviewed the contestants from Inuyasha, Fushigi Yuugi, and Yotsuba. It sucked -yet satisfied- our fellow viewers. Enjoy !

* * *

Inuyasha : I'm Inuyasha. I wear a single red robe...and this flea collar itches !

Kagome : I'm Kagome Higurashi ! Hi, my peeps ! Hi, Mom, Grandpa, Denny !

Random person named Denny : _HIIIII, KAGOME !_

Miroku : Hi, I'm a quiet pervert.

Axletia : Uh, do you date Sango for her ass ?

Sango : XO

Miroku : Uh...no. -whispers loudly-_(Partly.)_

**FANNED !**

Sango : Jerk.

* * *

Miaka : Um...I love all foods ! Except broccoli. And cauliflower. Look, I even have a two week old cupcake !

Agent Jey/Axletia : Eww.

Yotsuba : The air conditioner makes me cry.

Axletia : Where do you come from again ?

Yotsuba : Left.

Axletia : Hehehehe...cracks me up every time you say that.

Tamahome : Where am I again ?

Agent Jey : Uh...I don't know.

Axletia : Let's just say Japan.

Tamahome : Hey, I thought the Olympics were in _China _this year !

Axletia : Not this version. China is SOL if they think they're going to host the Anime/Manga Olympics ! Japan is my second favorite country, and my number one island ! My fanfic, my rules.

Tamahome : Awww...I wanted to wave the Chinese flag, though.

Axletia : Well, you're SOL.

Tamahome : But-

Axletia :_** I SAID YOU'RE SOL !**_

Fuka : Yotsuba's dad has a crush on me.

Agent Jey : Yeah. This is the sixth time you've told us that.

* * *

Kagura : I almost have Sharingan.

Axletia : What do you mean, almost ?!

Kagura : I only have the ability to see the actions of puppies, elfin creatures, and gerbils.

Agent Jey : Weak.

Chichiri : I've went to three operas_ (no da)._ It was really fun _(no da)._

Axletia : I've been wondering...are you the Phantom of the Opera ?

Chichiri : ...maybe.

Nuriko : I want to be the best crossdresser of anime and manga.

Agent Jey : Puh. You have competition, then.

Asagi : I'm dating Tasuki !

Axletia : Really ? I thought Tasuki hated girls, though.

Asagi : Well, I love baseball.

Axletia : Oh. You're my second favorite character out of Yotsuba !

Asagi : Coolness.

* * *

Hotohori : I love disco !

Agent Jey : Really ?

-random moment - music of Do the Hustle!-

Hotohori : Come on everyone ! Do the Hustle !

Axletia : Yeah...

Nakago : Chi blasting powers..._ACTIVATE !_

_**-CHI BLAST CHICHIRI !-**_

Chichiri : You suck _(no da)._

Nakago : _**I LIKE CHICKEN TWINKIES !**_

Axletia : D-wow. It's just...wow. Nakago, are you a Nazi ?

Nakago : For the 12th time, **_NO !_**

* * *

Finally I decided to interview Sesshomaru. Turns out he's more weird than I thought.

* * *

It began when he was eating sushi in the rain. I walked up to him. " Uh, Sesshomaru ? Can I ask you a few questions ? "

" Whatever. "

" Uh, why did you date Kaede ? She's ten years _older_ than you are. "

" Well, she was hot. "

" Okay. Next question...do you have an interest in little boys ? "

Sesshomaru grimaced. " What kind of sick pervert do you take me for ?"

" Uh...Orochimaru. "

" Damn it. "

I giggled. Sesshomaru gave an evil grin. " I have one question. Do you like waffles ? "

_**" WTF ? "**_

" Do you like pancakes ? "

" Again, wtf ?! "

" Do you like French toast ? "

" No..."

" Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da ! "

After that Sesshomaru continued the Waffle Song, and the Llama Song. Then, he cut himself and listened to " Smells Like Teen Spirit" by Nirvana. All I can conclude is that Sesshomaru is bipolar.

Anyway, I also asked Nakago a few questions...

* * *

" Do you like Yui, Nakago ? "

" Uh, yeah. "

" Are you bipolar ? "

" Yes. "

" What ethnicity are you ? "

" German. "

O.o " Okay...one last question. Are you a Nazi ? "

" I'm writing you in my Death Note next time you ask me that. NO ! "

* * *

I didn't go farther than that. He was drunk, though. Called me his buddy. (Suck up.)

So here ends our interviewing today. Tomorrow will be Sailor Moon, Fruits Basket, Ayashi no Ceres, and Bleach ! Enjoy, and cookies are accepted !

End

_Yes, I paired up Inuyasha/Kagome, Miroku/Sango, Tasuki/Asagi, and Sesshomaru/Kagura. Do not flame me if you like Sesshomaru paired up with Rin. I saw Kagura before Rin, so she might make a cameo appearance, but idk. _


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4 - Interviews of Sailor Moon, Fruits Basket, Ayashi no Ceres, and Bleach

DISCLAIMER : _I do not own any anime/manga series, or the Olympics. I own Denny, though. That's it._

NOTE : _The Sailor Moon characters are named by their Japanese names. So...if you have no idea what I'm talking to, look it up in Wikipedia. _

* * *

Last day of interviewing. Wow. Just one more day until the actual openings start. Because of summer break, Agent Jey had to search for a jar of dirt, so I was left alone interviewing the contestants of Sailor Moon, Fruits Basket, Ayashi no Ceres, and Bleach. Weird...O.o

* * *

Axletia : Hi, Usagi ! How are you ?

Usagi : Kawaii, as always !

Axletia : -scoffs- Yeah, right. (_coughs - crybaby.)_

Ami : I'm so smartical it's pwning !

Axletia : You may be one of my favorite Senshi, but damn, that word is overused !

Shigure : Hi.

Axletia : Oh, my God. Oh, my God ! _**IT'S SHIGURE !**_

-tackle!-

Shigure : Would you get _off_ of me !

Axletia : _NEVER !_

Tohru : Isn't it a bright, sunny day ? "

Axletia : It's raining. _**QUIT BEING OVER OPTIMISTIC !**_

* * *

Aya : Let's sing karaoke !

Axletia : You attempt it, you won't be in the Olympics. You will be in the dumpster.

Aya : O.o Yeah...

Yuki : Girls love me.

Axletia : Why ? You're an ugly mofo. I don't like you.

Yuki : I wear SPAZ !

Axletia : T.T _That_ explains everything.

Ichigo : Yo !

Axletia : _(Rukia's emo.)_

Ichigo : Light dies and Gaara becomes Kazekage !

Denny : You _bastard !_

Ichigo : Plus, Ash gets a Gli-

**PUNCH !**

Axletia : _**SHUT THE F--K UP, STRAWBERRY !**_

Toya : ...

Axletia : Are you going to say anything ?

Toya : ...(flips hair)

Axletia : That's it. I give up on you, (emo douche.)

* * *

Rei : I'm in the drama club.

Axletia : -sigh- Whatever. Like I give a damn.

Rei : Your hair sucks.

Axletia : _**DON'T DISRESPECT THE POOOOF ! **_

**MALLET !**

Mamoru : Let's swordfight !

Axletia : No.

Mamoru : Bu-

Axletia : _NO._

Chibiusa : Give me candy, bitch !

Axletia : What kind of manners were you taught, kid ?! _You're_ the bitch.

Chibiusa : _WAAAAAH !_

Rukia : -emo song-

Axletia : Rukia, please stop that.

Rukia : Bitchin'.

Axletia : Stop it now.

Rukia : -guitar hitting!-

Axletia :_ I SAID STOP IT !_

Rukia : Do you have a compulsive order ?

Axletia : I'm pretty sure. You're the one who's emo, though.

Rukia : I live a life. I'm still trying to find my purpose.

Axletia : Don't start the Haku crap again.

* * *

Yuhi : I dabble in the culinary arts !

Axletia : Look, Iron Chef !

Yuhi : Huh ? Where ?!

Axletia : Oh, sorry, Yuhi. You got pwned.

Kyo : I'm emo.

Axletia : Great. Now go cut yourself.

Kyo : Okay !

Minako : -chewing gum- I'm Sailor V !

Axletia : What does the V stand for ?

Minako : Viagra.

Axletia : I thought it was Venus.

Minako : Eh. It doesn't matter. I want to hit up on Kimimaro Kaguya !

Axletia : O.o Fine with me. Just keep away..._please._

* * *

Finally I interviewed Makoto. She ties with Ami for favorite Senshi. She thinks she's tall, but in reality she's only five foot seven, which is considered average, so I guessed Usagi and the other Senshi were short. I was right.

So anyway, I got into a good chat with Makoto.

* * *

" So, how old are you, Makoto ? "

" Uh, sixteen. And you ? "

" Thirteen, but I ask the questions around here. "

Makoto scratched her head. " Are you a control freak ? "

" Duh. Second question...who's your boyfriend ? "

" I don't have one, 'cause I'm a feminist. "

" Neat - o, that's cool. So...what do you think of Rei, then ? "

" Uh, she's a bitch. "

_**- YOU BACKSTABBER ! -**_

I sweatdropped. " Just ignore it. Next question. Who is your best friend ? "

" Ami. "

_**- YOU BIIIITCH ! -**_

I cleared my throat. " Uh, does she have drug problems ? "

" No. She has a bit of a drinking problem, but that's it. She's hot - tempered. Oh, and her boyfriend is Mello. "

" Hmm. "

* * *

So thanks to Makoto, I decided to interview Rei. She wasn't that friendly to me, though, until a couple of hours later. And boy, she was _wasted._

* * *

" So, Rei...you like Mello ?! " I asked her.

" Of course I (hic) do ! "

" He's a creep, though _(and a former druggie)._ "

" I (hic) don't care ! "

" Riight...one last question. Rei, are you drunk ? "

" 'Course I am, Rosonetis ! It's sooo fun ! Wanna try ? "

" Freezing priest, aren't Sailor Senshi supposed to be role models for_ kids_ and not acting like a freakin' trashy Hollywood star ?! "

" You're such a_ bitch_. "

" Don't call _me_ a bitch, Rei. I have powers to hurt you. "

" Eh, I don't need this crap. I'm gonna get 'nother six - pack. Bye, loser ! "

" -coughs- Whore. "

* * *

So with that ended the interviewing. Tomorrow will start the opening ceremonies ! Entertainment will include :

Aido of VK ! (AIIDO )  
Kankuro - - - (WTF )  
Jiraiya

Naraku

Team Fiesta ! (Winona, Wallace, Shelly, and Harlan)

and others to come ! See ya soon !

End

_Remember that commercials are accpeted ! Cookies are behind me for reviewers ! _


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5 : Opening Ceremonies

DISCLAIMER : _I do not own any of the anime/manga characters, the Olympics, " Don't Stop Believin' " by Journey, " Lonely" by Akon, or " I'm Too Sexy " by Right Said Fred. --I made word changes, though, to fit the personalities of the characters singing. _

* * *

After four days the 2008 Anime/Manga Olympics openings started in Tokyo, Japan. A sight to behold. Two newscasters - Axletia and Agent Jey - interviewed the competitors. And of course the best quotes will be said in the openings.

A bright young woman got on the stage. " Hellooo, Japan ! I am Anko, ninja of the Hidden Leaf Village ! "

" And I am Kabuto, dorky glasses wearing medinin from the Sound Village ! "

Anko shoved Kabuto to the ground. " Anyway, we have the best quotes from the interviews. Number One - ' Cause anime allowed me to be a perverted molesting freak, that's why ' , by Harley. "

Kabuto grunted. " Number Two - ' Sarutobi is my father ' , by Orochimaru ! "

" Number Three - ' Chi blasting powers...ACTIVATE !', by Nakago. "

" And Number Four - ' What does the V stand for ? Viagra ! ' by Minako. "

Applause roared through the crowds. Anko sweatdropped. " Okay, then. Our first act of entertainment is by Aido of Vampire Knight ! "

Screaming from many fangirls consumed the air as the vampire guy, Aido, walked up on the stage. " Uh, hi. "

_" AIIDOO ! WE LOVE YOUUU ! "_

" Yeah...anyway - "

_**" AIDO, YOU'RE SO HOOOOT ! "**_

" _WOULD YOU SHUT UP ALREADY ?! "_

A bra flung out to the stage. Aido sweatdropped. " This is just like the Super Bowl...or the Miss America pageant, " he muttered.

The teenager flipped his hair. " Anyway, I will be singing " Don't Stop Believin' " by Journey. "

The girls started screaming like crazy. Aido blushed with fury as he starterd singing.

Aido : _Just a small - town girl Living in an anime world She took the midnight cart going to BK. _

_Just a village boy Born and raised in south Detroit.  
He took the midnight cart going to BK. A stranger in a deep - fried room.  
A smell of fries and cheap perfume.  
For a burger they can share the night.  
It goes on and on and on and on..._

_Strangers waiting, up and down the Burger King,  
Their hunger searching in the night.  
Streetlight workers, living just to find some food Hiding somewhere in the night..._

_Working hard to get my refill Everybody wants a thrill Doin' anything to get some ice,  
Just one more time.  
Some will eat, some will starve.  
Some were born to carve.  
Oh, the hunger never ends It goes on and on and on and on..._

_(chorus!)_

_Don't stop believing !  
Hold on to that full feelin.  
Streetliiiight workers._

* * *

As Aido finished, he got tackled by twenty fangirls. He shuddered. " Well, at least this went better than the Miss America pageant. "

Kabuto rolled his eyes. " Next person up is my good ol' buddy, Kankuro ! "

Boos and hisses grew louder as Kankuro stepped onto the stage. He grinned as he started to sing " Lonely " by Akon in a horrible voice.

Kankuro : _Loonelyyy I'm sooo loonelllyy I got noooboooody,  
All on my oooownnn_

_Looonelyyyy I'm sooooo - oooooo lonelyyyy I got noooobooooody,  
All on my oown - oof!_

**- KICK IN THE HEAD ! -**

Kankuro fell to the ground. Gaara glared at him. " _**NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR YOU SING, JACK - ASS ! DDR PUNISHER - ACTIVATE ! "**_

**- DE - EMOFIED ! -**

Kankuro sobbed. " You suck ! " he cried, ditching the stage.

Anko groaned. " He's such a douche. Anyway, our next act is the Toad Sage Sannin, Jiraiya ! "

Jiraiya came out, grinning out of stupidity and drunkeness. " Hell - ooo, Japan ! I have a song that will blow all the ladies away ! This one is for you, Tsunade - sama ! "

He winked at Tsunade, who groaned. He then stumbled over to the microphone. " This - this is " I'm So Sexy " by Right Said Fred. Woot ! Hit it ! "

* * *

Jiraiya : _I'm too sexy for my love (hic)  
too sexy for my love.  
Love's going to leave me. (hic)_

_I'm too sexy for my nerd (hic)  
too sexy for my nerd.  
So sexy it hurts (hic)  
And I'm too sexy for Mulan (hic)  
too sexy for Mulan,  
China and Iran (hic)  
And I'm too sexy for your orgy_

_too sexy for your orgy _

_No way I'm foreplaying (hic)_

_I'm a drunkie, you know what I mean And I do my little turn in the jail cell (hic) Yeah, in the jail cell (hic)  
in the jail cell, OH YEAH !  
I do my little turn in the jail cell !_

_I'm too sexy for my cart , (hic)  
too sexy for my cart Too sexy for farts. (hic)  
And I'm too sexy for my hat. (hic)  
Too sexy for my hat (hic,  
what d'you think about that ?!_

_(chorus - ends with : I shake my little thing in the jail cell (hic) )_

_I'm too sexy for my (hic)  
too sexy for my (hic)  
too sexy for my (hic)_

_'Cause (chorus)_

_I'm too sexy for my frog , (hic)  
too sexy for my frog. Poor froggy, poor froggy frog.  
I'm too sexy for my love (hic)  
too sexy for my love Love's going to leave me._

_And I'm too sexy for my thong._

* * *

As Jiraiya finished his song, most of the women threw stones at him angrily. He grinned. " Yeah ! It's all for you, Tsunade, my h- "

**_K. O' D !!_**

Kabuto rolled his eyes. " All right. Next up is the comedy rants of Amiboshi and Suboshi ! "

People applauded as the twins stepped onto the stage. Suboshi winked. " Hey, everyone ! I want to murder you all ! "

Amiboshi chuckled. " Oh, you and your homicidal fantasies ! Let's get this started ! "

Suboshi : Okay. I discovered something very important today. Chicken is a vegetable.  
Amiboshi : Chicken is a fruit, silly !  
Suboshi : No, that's purple. Amiboshi : Wait a minute. Chicken is a vitamin ! Suboshi : Vitamin D ? Amiboshi : I dunno. I guess so.  
Suboshi : Hehe...moo.  
Amiboshi : I like dancing. Let's do the Charleston !  
Suboshi : No ! Let's do homicide !  
Amiboshi : Oh, you kidder ! Suboshi : -.- I'm not kidding.  
Amiboshi : O.o ...'kay. Thank you, everybody !

More applause came as the twins took a bow. Anko grabbed the microphone. " That was Amiboshi and Suboshi, the ranting fifteen year olds from Fushigi Yuugi ! We have one more act before we light the cup thingie with the flame of Moltres. Everyone, meet the group Team Fiesta - Winona, Wallace, Harlan, and Shelly ! "

The two ladies and men waved at the crowds. Winona made a peace sign. " Hello, Tokyo ! We are Team Fiesta. "

" YEAH ! We pwn ALL ! " Shelly screamed.

Harlan sweatdropped. " Shelly, are you drunk ?! "

" And emo ! "

Everyone glared at Wallace, who shrugged. " What ? She asked for a cocktail ! "

Shelly giggled. " Yay ! Shelly sing now ! "

The red haired girl giggled again. Winona sighed. " Shelly, you're an idiot. Anyway, we are going to sing " California Dreamin' " by the Mamas and the Papas. It's a 60s song, 'cause we like old school. "

Wallace grinned. " Enjoy ! "

* * *

After the group had finished singing horribly (especially Shelly, who slurred all her words), there was fake applause. All the members (except Shelly, who was passed out) bowed. Anko grinned. " Okay. Shelly's passed out. _LET'S LIGHT THE CUP ! "_

A man of twenty - five ran towards the bowl with a torch. He waved and grinned as he filled the bowl with the flame of Moltres, which was a spectacular sight. Kabuto threw his glasses in the air. " That was Lance, everybody ! "

Anko smiled. " Let the games begin ! "

End

* * *

_The rant with Amiboshi and Suboshi was based on this conversation I had with my buddy, Agent Jey. About chicken._

_Anyway, the games start in the next chapter ! Cookies are in the fridge ! _


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6 : Run Rukia, Run !

_For some reason this turned out to have light IchigoxRukia in it. Very light. Okay, I do not own any anime/manga , the Olympics, or the term 'conformist bastard'. Got it ? Okay. _

* * *

The day before competition started. It was the running event, and twelve people had signed up for the event.

One person wasn't very thrilled, however. Rukia was laying down on a bench, listening to a song by Alice in Chains. Ichigo walked up to the bench and stared at her. " Rukia, what the hell ? You're supposed to be training for the running event, not laying on a bench all emo - style ! "

" Oh, bite me, Strawberry ! " Rukia hissed. " Like I'm going to beat that bitch Makoto. She's on the professional track team, for Pete's sake. "

" So ? I'm sure you can beat her ! "

Rukia glared at Ichigo. " You're a conformist bastard. "

" Whatever. I'm going to BK, get some Whoppers. "

As he left the girl, Rukia sighed and threw a rock. It wasn't that she was afraid of getting beaten by Makoto. She knew she can do that easily. It was just...she never won anything in her life. It was against the emo code. Emo people did not make themselves noticeable. They confirmed that to the cheerleaders and obsessive drug dealers. So Rukia had a dilemma. But that wasn't all.

For weeks now she had watched Ichigo from the sidelines. His bright orange hair and annoying personality had amused her to the point of a possible crush, which wasn't good, either. Rukia was a lover. A rebel. She didn't want guys interfering with that. Even so, she agreed to be a contestant just so she wouldn't have to hear stories of Orihime flirting with Ichigo.

Now there was only one day until the running event took place, and Rukia had barely done any training at all. On the surface, it looked like she didn't care about doing the race, but deep down inside she didn't want to disappoint Ichigo.

So she decided to call one of her closest friends - Uryu, the dweeby nerd.

The glasses - wearing boy made a crackling noise. " Hi, Rukia. How's Tokyo ? "

Rukia rolled her eyes. " Gay. Why do you think I called you, you nerd ?! "

" Huh. Still being emo, huh ? "

" Yeah. I needed to ask you something, though. "

" What's that ? "

" Look, I'm running tomorrow, and I haven't trained at all. Any suggestions on how to win ? "

" Sure. Use steroids. "

" Uh, Uryu ? I'm being serious, you know. "

" Yeah, I know. So am I. "

Rukia sweatdropped. " Yeah...I'm going to hang up now. "

" No prob. Bye, Ruki. "

-sigh- " Goodbye, Uryu. "

She hung up the phone and sighed. Tomorrow she had to run, whether she liked it or not, and knowing Rukia, that was a clear definite no.

* * *

The next day as a groggy Rukia got up from her four-hour slumber, Ichigo was standing over her bedside.

_**SLAP !**_

" Are you some kind of stalker ?! " Rukia hissed. " Why are you peeking at me at nine in the morning ? "

Ichigo shrugged. " Well, you seemed kind of stressed today. "

T.T " You _know_ I'm always like that, Strawberry. "

" Yeah, but this time you're not going straight to the coffee and the weed. "

" Well, I don't feel like it, okay, Ichigo-kun ! "

The orange haired male gasped. " You called me Ichigo-kun ! So, are we friends, Ruki ? "

**PUNCH !**

Rukia glared at Ichigo, who rubbed his bloody nose. " Okay. I hope you're prepared , then. I'll be seeing you. "

As he left, an inaudible sigh was made. " Me too, Ichigo-kun, " she whispered. " Me too. "

* * *

The racers took their places behind the line. Rukia smirked at Makoto, who was wearing a long skirt. " Whatever happened to being a feminist, Makoto-chan ? "

Makoto blushed and looked down. " My jeans are being washed today, " she muttered.

" Really ? Oh, I'm glad you're not a hypocrite, Makoto-chan. I would have been devastated ! "

Makoto glared at Rukia. " And_ I_ thought _you_ were a drug addict. But everyone has their judgements. "

Rukia scowled. " Well, hopefully you won't trip on your own laces, Makoto-san. "

A loud airhorn blared, deafening ears. Anko stood at the side, holding a red flag. " Okay, ladies and douches. Your running course will be from here to that tree waaay over there. About a mile. "

" What's the catch ? " Neji asked.

Anko snapped her fingers and grinned. " Thanks for asking, Hyuga. You twelve will be chased by enraged Doberman ! "

As if on cue, twenty black dogs came out, glaring at the competitors. They all sweatdropped. Anko chuckled. " Don't worry. We won't let you die. Just maybe a trip to the emergency room ! "

More sweatdrops. A few gulps. The flag waved and the twelve started running for their lives.

Fuka was the first to go down. Having a cold made her thump to the ground.

Next up to go were Kagome, Misty, and Gary. The two girls' sprints had only taken them so far. In Gary's case, Ash had leapt out from a bush and tackled him, causing points from their anime to be deducted.

After that Makoto had tripped on her laces, being condemned to the dogs. Toya crashed into Misa, causing head injury and a bunch of mild obscenities.

Shin had ass - danced his way up to Nakago's head, covering the cold - hearted guy to push into Yuki.

Finally, the last half - mile was _(very surprisingly_) between Neji and Rukia. The male runner had dodged the obstacles using his Byakugan. The female had dodged using actual brains. They were neck and neck, with three dogs still chasing them. Rukia smirked as she shoved Neji down before gracefully skipping onto the finish line. Most people awwed in disappointment. Ichigo waved a giant banner in the air. L made a slight nod to Rukia, and she blushed.

* * *

" We present Yuki Sohma of Ayashi no Ceres the bronze medal. "

-applause-

" Neji Hyuga of Naruto the silver ! "

-even more applause-

" And Rukia of Bleach the gold ! "

- crickets-

Rukia stepped up to the podium and glared at the medal. " Ew. The color is repulsive ! Do you have anything in black ? "

Anko sweatdropped. " Uh, sure, " she muttered, handing Rukia a coal - colored plate sized medal.

The teenager looked over at the crowd. L was standing there, arms stretched out. She started walking towards him, but then she ran away from him into the opposite direction. Her hands stretched out to Ichigo as she started hitting him in disturbing emo glee. " Sorry, Ryuzaki, but I'd rather have a conformist bastard than a whiny emo guy to pick on ! " she exclaimed.

L nodded, Ichigo blushed, and Rukia evilly grinned in mock pleasure.

End


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7 : To Be Friends and Swimmers

DISCLAIMER : _I do not own any anime/manga. I only own Denny._

_Note - I don't have anything against Kagome. I just thought that she would be funnier as a ditz. Rei has like a Southern accent, and Misa's voice is an octave higher than her regular voice. _

* * *

In one cafe, friendships could form in an instant, whether a person is from Tokyo or New Jersey. This was the case with three girls - Misty, Kagome, and Ami. Three different girls from three different areas with three totally different personalities may seem like hell in Japan, but in actuallity, Misty's rage, Kagome's naivety, and Ami's smartness smashed together like a BLT sandwich.

So there they were at a local Starbucks, just a day before the swimming competiton. All of them drinking cappuchinoes.

" Wow ! This chocolate milk tastes awesome ! " Kagome said, sipping at the foam of the drink.

Ami sweatdropped." Uh, Kagome ? That's not chocolate milk. "

" Wow ! Really ?! "

Misty sighed. " Really. "

Kagome's eyes bulged. " Wow ! I never would have guessed ! 'Cause...'cause this cappy tastes like chocolate milk ! Wow ! "

" Yeah, that's kinda the point, " Ami muttered.

" Wow ! Denny would _love _this ! Wow ! "

" Uh, who's Denny again ? " Misty asked.

" Oh, wow, you don't know ?! Denny's my friend ! He's very hairy and has curvy ears ! Oh, wow, he reminds me of Inuyasha ! "

" Ohh, right. Bullcurve ! "

The three girls turned around to see Rei and Misa, smirking. Rei twirled her hair. " Well, if it isn't Carrothead, Aquanerd, and Naive High - Schooler. Kagome-chan, I didn't know you were friends with beasts, " she sneered.

Kagome laughed. " Oh, wow ! Rei, is that a new skirt ? "

" Sure is, " Rei replied.

" She paid twenty dollars for it, too ! " Misa added.

" Oh, wow, Rei ! I thought that frilly skirts were '_5_8, not '_0_8 ! " Kagome said, giggling.

" And that hair looks like it got attacked by the iron ! " Misty stated.

" Misa, I can't _believe_ you bombed the SAT ! " Ami cried. " I would _never _guess that you have an I.Q. of 85 ! "

Misa started sobbing. Rei huffed. " You're all _bitches_ ! I hope Mello runs over you guys with his motorcycle ! "

" And I hope Kira kills you ! " Misa added.

" Well, _I'm _not afraid of the geeky maniacal Light, if that's what you think ! " Misty growled. " Or my buddies. "

" Oh, wow ! Misty's right ! Wow ! "

While Kagome was clapping and saying 'wow', Rei yanked Misa's hand and stomped in the other direction. Ami grimaced. " We haven't seen the last of Rei. I know. I work with her. "

Kagome gasped. " Oh, wow ! She seems pretty harmful ! Wow, oh, wow ! "

Misty nodded. " Yep. Let's just be glad that Misa is a giddy drunk. "

* * *

" I can't _believe_ those bitches ! " Rei screamed. " I'm the most popular girl in Tokyo ! How dare they ! "

Misa shrugged as she squeezed a sofa cushion. " They didn't have to mention the SATs ! " she whined. " It doesn't matter if Ami had the best scores - she won't ever get a rich guy that way ! "

" Yeah. She may have Itachi now, but she's such a nerd that she might as well give him up, admit she's a bonafide lesbian, and marry that bitch Makoto. "

" Do you like Itachi-kun ? "

Rei crossed her arms. " Yes. I just_ love_ the rebellious boys, and Mello doesn't mind if I flirt, but that isn't the point. Why don't we sabotage them for the swimming event tomorrow, Misa ? "

" Sure ! Want me to get Kira to do it for us ? "

" Nah. That's too easy. Let's have some fun with this. "

Misa grinned. " Yay ! Can we kill them ? "

" I said _sabotage_, not go to prison. Hey, do you still have that three - week old salmon ? "

" Yep. "

Rei smirked. " Good. Those three are going to have a surprise. "

* * *

" Ooh ! Salmon, cod, and tartar sauce ! " Ami cooed.

" And it's addressed to us ! I can't believe it ! " Misty cried.

Later that day the girls discovered a basket on the front step outside of their room, filled with all kinds of fishy products. While Ami and Misty were cooing over the seemingly pleasant gift, Kagome sighed. " Oh, wow. I can't eat fish. I'm allergic. Oh, gee. Oh, wow. I'm sorry. "

" It's all right, Kagome-chan, " Misty said. " Better to be allergic to fish than to chocolate. "

" Oh, wow ! I know I couldn't last long without an Oreo or a candy bar ! "

Ami laughed. " Me neither. Chocolate is probably the best thing on this planet, except maybe water. "

" Oh, wow, Ami ! You are _totally_ right ! "

" Thanks. Now let's dig in ! "

They ran to the kitchen and the three girls enjoyed each other's company and ate fish (and in Kagome's case, onigiri).

* * *

The next day when she got up, Kagome rubbed her eyes and looked at a photo of her almost-boyfriend, Inuyasha. " Oh, wow. I hope Inuyasha's all right, " she thought. " Oh, gee. Oh, wow. I hope he doesn't bite Sesshomaru's hand again. He got hit with a chair that last time. "

She sighed as she softly placed the photo on the coffee table and quietly walked over to the other room where Ami and Misty were sleeping.

Something was strange, though. The two girls were both throwing up vomit in small garbage cans. Kagome gasped. " Oh, wow ! What the heck happened to you two ?! "

Misty scowled. " Food poisoning, that's what. We can't do the event. We're too sick. "

" I bet all my water that Rei and Misa had something to do with it, " Ami muttered, examining her calculator while retching.

" So I have to do the swimming event without you two ? " Kagome inquired. " Oh, wow. That sucks. "

" Well, I'm sure you can do it. "

Kagome turned around to see Inuyasha. " Oh, wow ! Inuyasha-kun ! I didn't notice ! "

Inuyasha smirked. " I came in quietly. I didn't even get the chair from Sesshomaru this time 'cause I knocked him out with my gas. Anyway...Kagome. Make sure you get a medal so you can rub it in Rei and Misa's faces. "

Kagome started to blush. " Oh, wow ! Oh, gee , oh, wow ! Inuyasha-kun, oh, I will ! Oh, gee ! Oh, wow ! "

" Hey ! " Misty interrupted. " Save the energy for swimming. "

Kagome nodded as she embraced Misty, Ami, and Inuyasha in a tight hug. " Oh, wow. Thanks everybody ! I have such good friends ! "

* * *

So the swimming event took place. Things got wet. People soaked in water. Everyone was having a great time.

Finally, Kagome received the bronze medal. As she accepted it and waved to her friends, Rei huffed, and Misa pouted.

And so revenge was taken in a nonviolent way.

End


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8 : Bike Riding of Muddy Moods

DISCLAIMER : _I do not own any anime/manga featured, or the Olympics. _

* * *

It was a very wet and humid day when the bike racing event took place. Ank stood at the starting line. " Okay, hagbags and retards. Everyone that's in this race is gonna race five miles - I don't care if you are crippled ! "

Kimimaro raised a hand. " Miss Anko, is this legal ? "

Anko smirked. " Hell, no. This goes against seven rules in Japan ! Even sp, all of us decided that we don't give a damn. "

Everyone sweatdropped. The judge continued her speech. " In addition, since Lady Tsunade lied about her age, and Orochimaru was in a drug bust, we've kicked them out. So...they're S.O.L. "

Jessie huffed. " I'm not biking in that mud ! "

_" STOP COMPLAINING, BITCH ! "_

O.o " Okay..."

" Anyway, here are the people present : "

* * *

1. Kaguya Kimimaro 2. Smitherston Jessie 3. Inuyasha 4. Yagami Light 5. Tamahome 6. Sohma Kyo 7. Tsukino Chibiusa 8. Kurosaki Ichigo 9. Mikage Aya 10. Yotsuba 11. Ten Ten 12. Prescott Georgie

* * *

" So...you guys and gals get started when I take the first sips out of my flask ! "

" I'm five, though, " Georgie said. " My feet can't reach the pedals. "

" Me neither, " Yotsuba and Chibiusa chimed.

**DISQUALIFIED x3 !**

Anko sighed. " I'm getting sober, so everyone, go f--k yourselves and get the hell on the field. "

The nine contestants started off in three directions.

* * *

(Jessie, Aya, and Ten Ten - Left Direction)

" I really want to hurt Anko, that military goof - off ! " Jessie roared.

" I want to do karaoke, " Aya said sadly.

" I need a rice ball, " Ten Ten moaned.

The three ladies were cycling in the left direction. Five giant mud puddles were spread on the road. Raindrops slammed into the puddles. Ash-colored clouds barricaded the sun. Jessie screeched. " Oh, God ! I'm gonna stain my new outfit and then Jimmy-boy won't like me anymore ! "

" At least you have a boy that likes you, " Ten Ten muttered. " All Neji ever does is complain. "

Aya sighed. " Toya's so quiet. I don't know what to do with him anymore ! "

Jessie snorted. " What are you talking about ? That quiet boyfriend of yours won darned swimming event ! "

" Yeah, but he's just not passionate. "

Ten Ten smiled. " Ninety percent of guys are just that. "

* * *

(Kimimaro, Light, and Tamahome - Right Direction)

(Kimimaro) " I have no destiny, no future. I have no hope. "

(Light) " I need to kill someone to live ! That is my only purpose ! "

" I have this damn mailtag on me ! " Tamahome blurted out.

Kimimaro and Light glared at the Chinese boy. Tamahome shrugged. " What ? It's not my fault I'm not emo and whine like an emo douche. I don't get high ! "

" I don't get high, " Light muttered. " I'm mentally unfit. "

" Well, whatever. "

" Everything is meaningless, " Kimimaro whispered. " Everything is worthless. "

Tamahome groaned. " Damn it, I _hate_ emos ! "

Light gasped. " Dude, you're a racist ! "

Kimimaro scoffed. " You idiot. Emo isn't a race - it's a way of life. If you think emo is a race, then you must think that yaoi, transvestites, hippies, alcoholics - they're all races. If you think, you're a bigot and ten times worse than any emo person could ever be, bitch. "

O.o " Wow. I would have _never_ known. "

Tamahome sighed. " I _knew_ I should've went to South Korea with Mitsukake for my vacation. "

* * *

(Inuyasha, Kyo, and Ichigo - Straight Direction)

Kyo pedaled fast on his bike as he glared at Inuyasha. " So...you're a dog ? " he asked.

Inuyasha shrugged. " Kind of. I'm actually a half - demon that has dog ears. "

" Lucky you. "

Ichigo snickered. " Hehe...I don't have a problem with my body. I'm normal. "

**CLAW ! WHACK !**

Ichigo fell into a bush, knocked unconscious. Kyo grinned. " Serves Strawberry right. "

" Yep, Orange - Top. It does. "

* * *

(2.5 Miles - Left Direction)

" This is bo_riii_ng ! " Jessie whined. " I want to bitchfight with Cassidy already ! "

Ten Ten glared at Jessie. " Would you quit complaining, Jessie ? We've been riding for half the distance now, and all you've done is bitch and complain ! "

" So ? I have _every_ right to bitch ! I'm two pounds overweight ! "

" Whatev- hey. Where's Aya ? "

Jessie shrugged. " Eh. I think she dropped out around a mile. "

" Oh, yeah..."

* * *

(2.5 Miles - Right Direction)

" Life is pointless, but at least I through that guy Yagami into the bush. That was retro - funny. "

Tamahome groaned. " Great. Suzaku, why did you leave me here with the emo guy ?! "

_" Uh, 'cause it's funny. "_

" Crap ! Suzaku, are you in my flippin' head ?! "

_" Yeah. "_

" Well, what the Seiryu do you want ?! "

_**" KILL KIMIMARO ! "**_

" What ?! No ! "

_" Please ? "_

" NO ! "

Kimimaro glared at Tamahome. " You're hopeless. "

* * *

(2.5 Miles - Straight Direction)

Kyo groaned. " I hate dogs. They smell like wet things. "

Inuyasha glared at Kyo. " I'm a half - _demon_, dumb - ass. "

" Hmph ! Well, at least Shigure doesn't deny it !_ He's_ a dog ! "

" You're a prick, do you know that ?! "

" Whatever. "

* * *

Finally, as the six remaining contestants reached the finish line, a sparkling cloud of pink dust appeared as Aya danced around in circles and giggled. " I beat you all ! I beat you _aa - aall_ ! "

Kimimaro sweatdropped. " What...the hell ? "

Aya grinned. " I used the easy way ! " she exclaimed, pointing to a path that said _'Quickest Way to the Finish Line without Killing Yourselves'. _

Everyone else facefaulted. Inuyasha swore under his breath. " Unbelievable, " he muttered.

And so the bike racing ended with pitiful moaning.

End


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9 : EAT THE FOOOD !

_A lot shorter than I expected, but oh, well. Anyway, I do not own any anime/manga featured in this fanfic, or the Olympics, which will begin August 8th. _

* * *

(NOTE : Yotsuba's team has been eliminated due to pot smoking -not that anybody cares.)

Kabuto held up a flag. " Okay, then. It is the food eating contest ! We have eight contestants here, all claiming to have a bottomless belly. They are- "

Ketchum, Ash Uzumaki, Naruto Miroku L Sohma, Yuki Tsukino , Usagi Yuki, Miaka Nohara, Shin

" We know one thing - these people are disgusting, " Kabuto continued. " So, let's start this competition before they start eating the napkins and spoons ! "

_BANG !_

* * *

(SALAD TIME !)

Ash picked up a cucumber and sniffed it. " What is this supposed to be ? "

Miroku sighed. " A cucumber. "

" A calendar ? "

T.T " I said, _'cucumber'_, not _'calendar'. "_

" Oh. So...I'm supposed to eat this ? "

Miroku gave no response, as he shoved the entire salad in his mouth and tapped the silver bell in front of him. " And I'm done. "

Ash groaned. " Man, this sucks. So...am I eliminated ? "

Kabuto shrugged. " Eh, that's a no...for now. "

" Yeah ! In your face, Buddhist Man ! " Ash gloated.

" Uh, you could finish the salad, though. "

" Aww, do I have to ? "

-.- " Yes. "

" This sucks. '

" Don't start complaining, Gay Man. "

" Hey ! "

Kabuto chuckled. " Oh, sorry. Gay _Boy._ "

-.- " I _really _hate you. "

* * *

(Table B!)

" What ?! No ramen ?! But I love ramen ! Ramen's good for you ! " Naruto whined.

" Is ramen a vegetable ? " L asked as he chewed lettuce between his teeth.

" Why should it matter ?! "

" Uh, 'cause it's the salad part of the competition... "

_" NO ! RAMEN SHOULD BE IN EVERY CATEGORY ! "_

L shrugged. " Look, I don't know why you're so upset. Ramen _sucks._ "

-gasp- " You _bastard ! "_

T.T " It's the truth. "

" Believe it ! You suck ! "

" Okay, but ramen still sucks. "

_**" WAAAAAAAAHHH ! "**_

L tapped the bell. " Yeah ! I'm done ! "

He looked at Naruto. " Uh, are you Kira ? "

* * *

(Table C)

" Yay ! They're all greens ! " Usagi cried.

Miaka gave a small groan. " I was expecting doughnuts, not healthy food. "

Usagi shook her head. " But veggies give you power ! "

" Don't give me that b.s. ! I _saw _you stuffing your face at the Chocolate Shop ! "

T.T " And your point is ?... "

" Well, at least _I'm_ not a hypocrite ! "

-sob- " You meanie ! "

" Usagi, please don't start to cry now. "

" I'm sorry. I've been in a lot of doodoo lately. Mamoru dumped me _again,_ and Minako called me fat ! "

" Not my problem. I'm done. "

-ding-

* * *

(Table D)

" Eww. I hate veggies ! They're all squishy ! " Shin complained. " And I know Action Bastard wouldn't eat them either because they make people piss a lot ! "

-.- " What is with you, kid ?! " Yuki demanded.

" Ooh ! You're so hot, just like Hottie Nanako ! Hey, wanna see my Ass Dance ?! "

O.o " _NO ! "_

" Oh, you're so fun ! "

" Honda-san ! Help me ! "

Kabuto shook his head. " Tohru can't help you now, Yuki ! "

_**" AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH ! "**_

* * *

Several rounds later, the contest finally added up to Miroku and L being the final two contestants _(which surprised all of us, since Miroku acts like chicken is the devil, and L is so damn emo.)_ Applause scattered throughout the bleachers as Kabuto walked up to the podium and silenced them all.

" Okay. Our final competition is between Miroku, the smexy dude of Inuyasha, and L, the homeless guy who thinks everyone is Kira in Death Note ! "

**-APPLAUSE FOR MIROKU !-**

L glared at all of the girls and yaoi fans. " Thanks for _nothing_ ! And this is why I'm emo ! "

_" WE DON'T CARE ! WE LIKE NEAR BETTER ! "_

-.- " You all_ suck._ "

Kabuto cleared his throat. " Anyway, since the committee decided that they didn't want to waste any food to a couple of slobbish retards, so all of us decided that the first person to eat this thing without retching wins the medal ! "

**-MORE APPLAUSE FOR MIROKU!-**

Kabuto revealed two giant salami submarine sandwiches. Miroku gasped. " But nobody likes salami ! "

" That's why we have this match. Now, Pervert and Homeless Emo. _START ! "_

And so the gobbling began. For twenty minutes, the two men ate away at the ten foot things, and even though the sights were utterly repulsive, people watched (mostly psycho fangirls).

Finally, with two feet to go, Miroku shoved the sandwich in his mouth. As people gawked, Miroku was crowned the Number One Slob, and most people tried to forget the event so as not to speak of this day ever again.

End

* * *

_Okay, we're taking a break next chapter to put out the Tenth Chapter Special ! Four characters will spend time acting like they're on a reality show as they spend it with Momiji Sohma, and a certain character in an Abridged Series on Youtube ! (And I swear to Bob if you say Naruto Abridged, there will be NO WAFFLES !) _

_So, what four characters do you want to see with Momiji and the Mystery Character from the Abridged Series ? VOTE ! Tell me ! And after a few days I'll put your suggestions on the ballot ! So...vote ! VOTE, DAMN YOU ! (Oh, and I guess review, too.) _


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10 : Super Awesome Scenery Special GO !

_Okay, so I don't own any anime/manga on this fic, or the 1988's version of Hairspray, and of course I've added total OC-ness, so...XD_

* * *

(beep...beep)

Ash : Hi ! My name is Ash Ketchum ! I got picked for the special today !

Naruto : So did I ! Believe it !

Ash : Hey, do you like food ?

Naruto : Heck yeah I do !

Ash : Wow ! So do I ! _YAY ! I PEED MY PANTS !_

Brock : Hi. I'm Brock Harrison. I'm supposed to be a breeder, but I'm really just a multiracial perv.

Inuyasha : And I have fleas.

Harley : H_ellooooo_ ! Remember me ? I'm Harley ! Aren't I just adorable ?

Inuyasha : O.o Dude, don't hit up on me.

* * *

_It all started when the people were introduced to each other. They might have been a little angry when I told them that I lied about the abridged thing, but they were really pissed off at their extra person whom I picked._

* * *

Itachi : T.T Rosonetis is _soooo_ on my revenge list.

Ash : Who the hell are you ?

Naruto : That's Sasuke-kun's brother, Itchy.

Itachi : That's Itachi, you stupid little bra- did you just call me idiot brother Sasuke-kun ?!

Naruto : Yeah. Do you have a problem with that ? **NARU/SASU FOREVER !**

Brock : You're with Hinata, though.

Naruto : D- **SHUT UP ! SHE'S A BITCH !**

Harley : Don't make fun of muh gender !

Itachi : O.o You're a dude...

Harley : So ?

Itachi : ( 0.0 ) It's called a sex change. Get one.

Harley : Make me.

Itachi : Your anime is dubbed into Americanization. It sucks in English.

Ash : Hey, you can shut the f--k up !

Brock : Yeah, we don't take too kindly to that sort of talk.

Itachi : Hey, I didn't ask for a Southern accent, asshole.

Inuyasha : Race war ! There's gonna be a race war !

**PUNCH !**

Itachi : Oh, shove it, Mr. Doggy.

* * *

_After everyone tried to kill each other, now there was the main event of the special - make fun of the characters that didn't get picked. XD_

* * *

Ash : So, Roxanne. Have you stopped being so whiny ?

Roxanne : . _GIVE ME CANDYYYY !_

Brock : O.o...You're still pretty, even if you are whiny.

Roxanne : Candy ?

Brock : No, sorry.

**HAMMER !**

Roxanne : _DAMN IT !_

Dawn : Yay ! Am I on TV ?

Inuyasha : Yeah...

Dawn : Oh ! You're so cute ! Such a good doggie !

Inuyasha : T.T I'm a half-demon.

Dawn : Daijobu !

Inuyasha : I'm not worrying about anything !

Dawn : Not you. Him.

Harley : -sob- You're so sweet.

Dawn : No...Itachi-kun's eating a hitsuji !

Naruto : D- Itachi ! Quit chomping on that damn sheep already !

Itachi : /.\ Sorry.

Naruto : Uh, arigato.

May : Who wants to see my bikinis ?

Harley/Brock : We do ! We do !

**EMO GLARE x2 !**

Itachi : You f--king pervs.

May : You meanie ! You suck, Emo Guy !

Itachi : Whatever. Words don't hurt me.

**_BROOM !_**

Itachi : ...F--k.

Ino : Nobody even asked me ! _I'M SOOO FAT !_

Inuyasha : You're fifteen pounds overweight.

Ino : So ?

Choji : Yeah, I'm Choji. I'm obese. Screw you all. -flips off-

Ash : Do you like food ?

Choji : _HELL YEAH !_

Ash : _YAH !_

Choji : _YAH !_

Ash : **YAAAAH !**

Choji : **YAAAAH !**

Sasori : Tobi's a good boy. Yes, he is. Yes, he is !

Tobi : **_YAY ! TOBI GO POOPOO !_**

Itachi : -.- And _this_ is why I never go to the meetings.

Kiba : Hi.

Brock : Hi.

Axletia : _HIII !_

Harley : Hi, Rosonetis, sweetie. What are you doing here ?

_TAZE !_

Axletia : T.T Don't call me sweetie. I was getting rent money from that dumb-ass, Kankuro.

Kiba : Yeah...

Axletia : Why do I have this feeling that Ally's gonna be pissed at me 'cause I didn't pick you just because you had fleas ?

Inuyasha : 'Cause you're inhumane ?

Axletia : Probably. Kaida doesn't mind, though.

Kiba : 'Cause you bribed her...

Axletia : _SHUT UP, NOOB ! DEATH PWNAGE !_

**DEATH PWNAGE !**

Kiba : X.X

Inuyasha : 0.0

Brock : 0.0

Harley : 0.0

Axletia : XD _MWAHAHAHA !_

-poof!-

Shippo : Somebody...help me cut my tail off.

_BUTCHER !_

Itachi : There you go. Now shut the f--k up, noob.

Rin : I like Sesshomaru.

Ash : Uh, whatever.

Mitsukake : I'm actually glad I didn't go. South Korea pwns.

Chiriko : YAH ! Another martini !

Momiji :_ Wooow._ You're s_ooo _fruity !

Harley : Awww, thanks, doll.

Hatsuharu : Get away from him, you sick pedophile.

**PUNCH !**

Harley : X.O Ow.

Ash : _HAHAHAHA ! NERD !_

Itachi : Ne-_erd !_

Uryu : Shut up.

Inuyasha : Never !

Uryu : . You all suck !

Inuyasha : -coughs- **NERD !**

* * *

_Finally, the six stupid dudes went on a spree of shopping and eating. Needless to say, this isn't exactly what real (and sane) guys do, but we all know by now that all of these guys are retarded._

* * *

Harley : Mesh is awesome !

Itachi : T.T No flippin' way.

Ash : Yeah, polyester is waaay better.

Itachi : What the hell... ?

Brock : I like itchy wool.

Inuyasha : I hate clothes. They make me itch too much.

Naruto :** YAH !**

Brock : I thought you were dead.

Naruto : Nope. I was on a giant pee break.

Itachi : O.o Wow. You're screwed in the head, man.

Harley : Oh, Itachi-kun. You need to lighten up.

Itachi : Got any alcohol ?

Inuyasha : I do !

* * *

(Five minutes later...)

Ash/Naruto : _Hairspraaaay. Hairspraaaaay !_

Itachi : _**YAH ! I'M F--KING RICKY LAKE !**_

Harley : I like the Michelle Pfeiffer version better.

Itachi : **SHE'S A BITCH ! SHUT UP !**

Inuyasha : I'm a spaz !

Ash : Yay ! Hairspray !

Itachi : I wanna be on the Corny Collins show !

Harley : I wanna dance !

Itachi : Let's do the Mashed Potato !

Harley : _DAH !_

Itachi : _**DAAAAH !**_

Harley :_** I WANNA BE A PRINCESS !**_

Ash : Go ahead ! We won't stop you !

Harley : **MWAHAHAHA !**

Itachi : **MWAHAHAHAHA !IRUKA SUCKS !**

Inuyasha : _YEAH ! JAPAN RULES !_

Everyone : **GOOOO, NIPPON !**

* * *

_So in the end, our special concludes pretty much to a bust. But at least we know now that Itachi likes the 1988's version of Hairspray. XD_

End


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11 : EMO - OFF

_Okay, everyone knows the disclaimer. I own no anime/manga featured here (or the Declaration of Independence paragraph). _

* * *

Eleven people (and one shinigami) all stood in one line on the stage. The lights were dimmed and of a dark red. The contestants all had in their hands pointy sharp objects and dark violet flags with skulls on the clothed material. All of them stood with emotionless frowns on their faces, about to see who was the most emo in the event called Emo - Off.

Anko gave a broad grin as she hollered over the microphone. " Okay, gals and grudes ! Today is the day called Emo - Off ! Twelve contestants with disturbing emotions will all compete today to see who is the most disturbed and depressing person of them all ! "

Everyone began to applaud and shout. Anko smirked. " Okay, everyone. Let's introduce the contestants in list format ! "

* * *

McEvile, Paul

Psycron, Sabrina

Uchiha, Sasuke

Kaguya, Kimimaro

Uchiha, Itachi

Sesshomaru

L

Ryuk

Nakago

Sohma, Kyo

Rukia

Toya

* * *

All of the contestants gave a curt nod as more people applauded. Anko threw her hands up in the air. " All right, asses ! Let's get ready for emo ! Our first debate will be between Ryuk and Paul ! Ryuk, you have your statements ? "

Ryuk nodded. " Being emo is like being apples. Both of us rot to die a slow, painful death. It's really scary. "

" Scary ?! " Paul repeated angrily. " Being emo is _not_ f--king scary ! All of you emo wannabes are losers ! Being emo isn't a choice ! It's a way of life ! "

Anko sweatdropped. " D- wow. Paul wins. "

" Whatever. "

Kabuto rolled his eyes. " Eh. Next up is Rukia versus L. Ooh. "

Rukia gave a nasty grin. " Three words - I like blood. "

" Are you a vampire ? " L taunted. " Emos cut themselves, not suck blood like an alcoholic. I stay up for days because I have insomnia. I dedicate my life to finding Kira. "

" Which is Light, dumb-ass, " Rukia muttered. " Stupid boys ! I'm outta here ! "

-poof!-

Anko scratched her head. " Wow. L's good. And our next peeps are Sabrina...and Sasuke-kun ! "

**WILD FANGIRL RAMPAGE x516 ! XD**

Sasuke slumped down, dead from the fangirl attack. Many girls killed themselves out of sadness, and Orochimaru started to play " Taps " with his trombone. Anko bowed. Kabuto held back a tear. " Next is Toya and Nakago. Let's go. Toya, you're up first. Do you have a speech ? "

Toya just stood there. " I have none. I don't do writing. It's retro. "

O.o " Okay, then. You creeped me out. Nakago, what about you ? "

Nakago nodded. " Of course I do. This is for Yui, my girl that I mooch off of for mascara and body armor. Soi, who squirted eighty packages of soy sauce down my throat. Ashitare, that stupid hairy beast of a werewolf who has gotten me out of _sooo _many D.U.I.s. I love you, buddy. Toyo, who's made me an excellent, excellent wardrobe. Oh, and Chichiri. He was the one I picked on the most out of the Suzaku warriors.

" You still do (no da) ! " Chichiri shouted from the audience.

" Hehehe...Phantom of the Opera, " Anko murmured, giving a slight chuckle.

Nakago gave a shrug as he tossed strands of blonde hair to the side. " Okay, then. Here is my speech. " When, in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bonds which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the laws of nature and of nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation. "

_" Nakago ! "_

The blonde-haired general looked to see Suboshi waving frantically in the audience. Nakago gave an annoyed look. " What ?! "

Suboshi sweatdropped. " You just quoted the first paragraph of the Declaration of Independence ! That wasn't your speech ! "

" Really ? "

" Yeah... "

_**" GOTDAMN IT, MIBOSHI ! "**_

The bald Seiryu warrior snickered. " That's what you get for saying that Beavis and Butthead is stupid, fag. "

**" AAAAAAAHHHHHH ! MOTHERFU- "**

Anko shot a trainquilizer dart into Nakago's neck. " Nakago is the loser. Toya wins. And next we have Kimimaro and Kyo...no, wait. Kyo said screw it, so we're down between Itachi and Sesshomaru. Sesshy,_ GO !_ "

Sesshomaru nodded. " Yo. I'm Sesshomaru. I'm also called Rupert, and Hobart. "

He stripped his robe to reveal a baggy black t-shirt and holey blue jeans. " Yeah, bitches. Respect me ! I'm emo ! "

" You're a douche... "

_**" SHUT UP, INUYASHA ! "**_

Inuyasha crossed his arms. " Make me. You don't own me, stupid demon. "

" Oh, yeah ? And who does own you ? "

Inuyasha sniffled. " Kagome. "

Kagome stood up from her seat and waved at the cameras. " Oh, wow ! Am I really being televised ?! "

T.T " Yes. "

Sesshomaru groaned. " Trying to have a competition here. Can't you see that I want to be crowned number one emo ?! "

Inuyasha shrugged. " Eh. you'd be better off as number one douchebag. "

" Oh, wow ! He's right ! " Kagome exclaimed.

Kabuto cleared his throat. " Okay, all you stupid idiots. Sesshomaru - you're out of time, grude. "

" Uh, what does grude mean again ? "

-.- " A stupid guy. "

_" Awwww, crud. "_

" Whatever. Itachi - go. "

Itachi gave a cold smirk. " Revenge is sweet. Black is murder. I kill anyone who thinks that pink is awesome, because it's not. Disco music sucks. Rap music is soulful and is ugly. Eyeliner pwns. I cut myself every day. I have no nickname other than berserk. Yeah, and I kick puppies. So what ?! "

Anko sweatdropped. " Whoa. That's pretty scary. Itachi wins. "

Scattered applause was heard all around the stadium. Itachi gave a curt nod as he walked off the stage emo-style.

* * *

And so there were more preliminaries. Paul lost, Kimimaro cried, L got mosh-pitted off the stage, and Toya left due to a C.I.A. assignment (but still won the bronze).

Which left the final two contestants to battle - Itachi and Sabrina.

* * *

" Okay, idiots ! " Anko shouted. " We're down to our last two contestants. Who will win the emo title ? Let's find out.

Itachi and Sabrina faced each other with emotionless eyes. Kabuto fiddled with his glasses. " Okay, Itachi. Start. "

Sabrina glared at the male judge. " We live in a sexist world. What destiny could a woman have when a man pushes her away to the sidelines ? "

" A mom, " Naruto replied from the audience.

**PSYCHIC !**

_**" SHUT UP, ORPHAN ! "**_

" ...'Kay. "

" Good. Now Itachi says he's emo. He's feeding you all of this bull, but is he really telling the truth ? "

Itachi huffed. " Of course I am ! I'm emoer than Sasuke ! "

" Hehe...not a word, but that's not the point. Pink bunny - go ! "

A furry pink bunny waddled over to Itachi's side and sniffed him. Itachi whimpered. " Too...furry...must succumb to..._HUGGING IT ! "_

_**HUGGY !**_

Gasps were heard throughout the place. Anko shook her head. " That's sad. So...Sabrina wins. "

Itachi sniffled as he hugged the bunny tighter. " It was worth it. "

Sabrina flipped her hair as she drank out of her flask. " Bitchin'. I got a black medal. "

O.o " Yeah..." Anko trailed off. " Cut to faded screen ! "

And so the emo contest ended with Itachi hugging the pink bunny.

End


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12 : Crossers' Competition

_I do not own any anime/manga, the Olympics, BYAH, Naruto Abridged, or anything else. Agent Jey belongs to my friend. Kaida Ketsueki holds all rights to her character. DON'T SUE ME ! XD_

* * *

(Somewhere in late August...)

Anko spoke up. " Hey, didn't the Beijing Olympics already end ? "

Tamahome nodded as he let out a light sob. " Yep. The U.S. got a lot of shiny medals, too. Stupid capitalist country. "

(Kabuto) -.- " Dude, don't diss the U.S. . It's wrong. "

" Whatev. "

Anko scratched her head. " Well, let's start the competition. Somehow Orochimaru was allowed back in for this event, so I guess we'll just have to deal with this drug-dealing he-she. "

Orochimaru slithered his tongue. " _**Yep. BUT MY NAME IS NOT OROCHIMARU ! IT'S STEVE VIPER ! "**_

T.T " Lord Orochimaru, don't plagiarize Naruto Abridged. We can get sued. "

" Oh. Really ? "

Everyone else nodded. Anko grabbed the microphone. " Okay, let's start this competition before _Steve_ gets high on weed. "

* * *

(Competition)

_" BYAH, EVERYONE ! "_ Anko roared. " This is our cross-dressing competition ! Some people say that it's wrong and immoral, but this is America, bitches ! "

Kabuto shook his head. " No, it's not. It's Japan. "

" Oh. Well...okay. Anyway, since not many people have issues, we have only four contestants. A real shame. "

" Nope. Not at all. "

" Shut up, Kabuto ! So...let's see who we have. James, Harley, Orochimaru, and Nuriko. Wow. How come no girls ever go into this sport ? "

" Idk. It's a guy thing, " Kabuto muttered.

" Whatever. Anyway, since there are only four contestants, there will be no bronze or silver. Just plain old gold that we get from the mines of Africa. Somewhere, I guess. So...instead, they'll be judged. "

Kabuto stood up from his seat. " Our first judge is the crazy kook that hugs trees and hates gnomes, Axletia ! "

_**" BYAH ! I NEED SUGAR ! "**_ Axletia yelled. " Oh, and some dog leashes. Those taste good. "

T.T " Yeah...next we have plump white person with excellent abilities with the PS2, Agent Jey ! "

_**" BYAH ! AND EVERYTHING AT WALMART ! "**_ Agent Jey shouted.

Kabuto sweatdropped. " Why do we always get stuck with the crazies ?! Gosh. Okay, here we go. Last one is...Kaida Ketsueki ?! "

Kaida stuck up a finger. " 'Ello. "

" Uh, hi. Are you sane ? "

**" SHELLY/HARLAN FOREVER ! "**

-.- " I guess not. Let's just start. "

Anko quickly swiped away the microphone. _" BYAH !_ Okay. Let's start with James. "

James came out wearing a curly blonde wig, pink lipstick, a maroon-colored halter, and green hip shorts. " Hi. I'm James. I'm awesome. I loaf around and do nothing but chase an annoying Pikachu around the regions. Please pick me. I'm not rich, and _I AM NOT GAY FOR THE 33rd TIME ! "_

Axletia tutted. " You're not gay and you're not rich. Whoa. _Maaajor _points taken off from your score. Hehehe... "

Agent Jey snickered. **" MOO ! "**

Kaida huffed. " James is a noob, and Team Rocket is full of retards. _NO SCORE ! "_

Kabuto shook his head in frustration. " Okay. Next is, uh...Harley. "

A soft pop melody played as Harley hopped onto the stage. His long purple hair was made into a ponytail. He wore a frilly green dress down to his thighs. On his feet were magenta flip-flops, and on his face was a ton of mascara and blush. "

He spun around in a circle and blew kisses out to the audience. " Helloooo, my darlings ! I'm Harley-kun ! I love dressing like a girl ! It makes chasing Max more interesting ! I love eating pickles and stealing May's bras ! It's hella coolio ! "

Axletia sweatdropped. " Dude...wtf ?! You're cross-dressing, not being a perv. Let's kick him out ! "

Agent Jey burped. " Eh. I've seen Orochimaru do Sasuke all the time. M rated fics are teh bomb. So...he gets half-credit. "

Kaida's jaw dropped. " I've lost respect for Harley a _loooong_ time ago. "

Anko nodded. " Yeah. We all think the same thing. Now we have Orochima- "

_**" STEVE VIPER ! "**_

T.T " Fine. _Steve_ Viper. Whatev. "

Orochimaru, or Steve, came out and grinned. His black hair was clipped into a bun. His green slits were complimented with light green eyeshadow. He wore a bright red t-shirt with the symbol of the Sound Village on it, very holey jeans, and was barefoot. He stuck his tongue out.

" Hi. I am Steve. I like Sasuke. I rule in cross-dressing. I have tendecies to check what gender I am, 'cause I really have no idea by now. It's just natural. Oh. I want to rule all villages, too. I'm an iron-hard ruler. "

Axletia and Kaida both shook their heads. Kaida groaned. " Dude, you are why murder rates, raping rates, and Grand Theft Auto sales are going more and more up every year. Oh, and I hate you. "

" I hate you, too, Oro, " Axletia murmured. " Jen, what do you _see _in this douche ? "

Agent Jey grinned. " What ?! I love snakes ! "

Kabuto snickered. " So do I. "

Anko rubbed her forehead. " Okay, everyone. Our last contestant has fooled many, many people into thinking he's a chick. You may not know him - neither do I. Let's see Nuriko of Fushigi Yuugi ! "

Nuriko came in, blushing. His braided hair was down and swishing in the wind. No makeup, but a jade ornament around his neck dangled. He wore a sky-blue kimono and was also barefoot.

" Hi. I'm Nuriko. I'm a veeery dramatic person. I'm actually bi, but I love cross-dressing for family reasons. I think I'm very pretty, and maybe someday Hotohori could be my husband ! "

Hotohori sweatdropped. " No-ho-ho-ho. "

" Aww, you're no fun, " Nuriko pouted.

Kaida shrugged. " Eh. He's more sane than us. Sucks. "

Agent Jey also shrugged. " Meh. He's cool and weird, so..._MOO and BYAH ! "_

Axletia grinned. " Yeah ! "

Anko nodded. " Okay, judges. Have you decided ? "

All three judges pointed to Nuriko. As Anko handed him the gold, Nuriko wiped a tear off of his face. " I'm so happy. _**I PWNED OROCHIMARU ! YAH ! "**_

Orochimaru scowled. " You may have won this time, Nuriko, _**BUT I WILL WIN ! "**_

-.- " Whatev. "

And so concluded a fabulous gender-bending day for the competitors.

End


	13. Chapter 13

Randomness & Ending Ceremony

_All right, the last chapter. I know, it SUCKS. But, oh well. Get used to it or...meh._

_I own NOTHING but my ideas. _

* * *

The lights became dim. The crowd became silent. Anko stood in the middle of the stage, grinning broadly. Kabuto stood next to her with a disinterested expression on his face.

" BYAH ! " Anko roared. " Today is our last event of the 2008 Anime/Manga Olympics. The event that everybody has been waiting for since June - the randomness contest ! "

Kabuto fiddled with his glasses. " As you all know, the teams of Sailor Moon and Shin Chan have no medals, Inuyasha and surprisingly Ayashi no Ceres have two medals, and every other team has one medal. "

" We have twenty-four contestants competing today. They are : "

* * *

Brock Naruto, Hinata, Sakura, Shikamaru, Temari, Gaara Sango, Kagura Near, Mello, Rem Chichiri, Tasuki, Hotohori Tohru, Shigure Mamoru, Minako Yuhi Penny, Ai, Boo, Maso

* * *

" So...let's go for it ! " Anko cried. " I wanna hear some random words ! "

Gaara glared at the two ninjas. " I'm not doing random. I dance. "

Anko shrugged. " Whatev. I'll cross you off. Anybody else ? "

Mello, Rem, Minako, Yuhi, Penny, and Ai all raised their hands. Anko shrugged again. " Oh, well. You're all losers. Final call. "

This time Shikamaru, Sakura, Hinata, Hotohori, and Maso raised their hands. Anko rolled her eyes. " All right, then. We're down to eleven. Way to go, guys and gals. You've made me unimpressed to a whole new level. " Okay, then. Brock, Naruto, Temari, Kagura, Near, Chichiri, Tasuki, Tohru, Shigure, Mamoru, and Boo. Start randomnizing this place up ! "

**BULLHOOOOOOOORN !**

" Apple ! "

" Barnacle ! "

" Cornflake ! "

" Dancer ! "

" Elephant ! "

" Floaties (no da) ! "

" Grapefruit ! "

" Hand - job ! "

Anko sweatdropped. " Tohru, what the _hell ?! "_

Tohru started blushing wildly. " Sorry. I didn't mean it. "

0.0 " That was so random and so perverted I'm going to be scarred for the rest of my life. Continue, people. "

" Igloo ! "

" Jack-ass ! "

" Kris Kringle ! "

Kabuto tutted. " All right. Let's see...Brock and Shigure are out. Everybody else advances. GO ! "

" Lung ! "

" Milk ! "

" Nappie ! "

" Organ donor ! "

(Kabuto) " Yeah... "

" Princess Zelda (no da) ! "

" Question ! "

" Rug stains ! "

" Scrooge ! "

" Tasuki ! "

Anko chuckled. " Nice one, Boo. Temari and Tasuki are out. Second advancement. GO ! "

_**" UNDERWEAR ! "**_

" Varnish ! "

" What-what ! "

" Xavier (no da) ! "

" Yarn ! "

" Zookeeper ! "

" Aardvark ! "

Kabuto shrugged. " Let's see...Chichiri and Mamoru are out. Third advancement. GO ! "

" BLAH ! "

" Crisco ! "

" Dungaree ! "

" Embryo ! "

" Fireflies ! "

(Anko) " Ooh. That's a toughie. Naruto and...Boo. You're out. Last advancement is with Kagura, Near, and...Tohru. Wow. This time you must put a string of five words of the same letter. Whoever's string is the most random will win the gold, which counts for two medals ! "

(applause)

" GO ! "

(Kagura) " Glove, groin, gas, giant, gentle. "

(Near) " Halter, head, hemmorhage, high, horseshoe. "

(Tohru) " Ice, iron, isotope, iguana, item. "

(crickets)

Anko groaned. " Damn, this is a tough one, but I have to say...Near was the most random, which means Death Note wins the Olympics with three medals ! "

The audience started to cheer wildly. Anko grinned as she clapped her hands. " All righty, then. Time for the ending ceremonies ! "

Todd Snap came in huffing, drenched entirely in sweat. " I don't wanna do this, Anko. Please don't make me do this. "

Anko stifled a chuckle. " I'm sorry, Todd, but the manager of this station wants it done. "

_**" ROSONETIS CAN GO TO HE- "**_

**FRYING PAN'D !**

Axletia laughed maniacally. " You have to do it, Todd, or our ratings will go down and we will have to make Bakugan and Chaotic fanfictions instead ! "

-gasp- " Not those horrible ripoffs of Digimon, Yu-Gi-Oh, and Pokemon ! "  
" I'm afraid so, Anko. "

Anko yanked Todd close to her. " Todd, you better get into that flippin' torch right now, or_** I WILL HURT YOU ! "**_

Todd nodded sadly as he stepped inside the torch and started to burn. Anko laughed as she extinguished the flame. " Okay, then, douches. We'll see you losers in 2010 !_ BYE ! "_

End


End file.
